i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
