woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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