He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
