I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
