VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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