my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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