i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
