I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
