just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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