we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
