tell your sister to shave her snatch
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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