Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
