i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
