Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm too high and old for this...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
