Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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