I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
