Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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