i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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