I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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