Is it because I queefed?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
