i just wanna soil my oats bro
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
