this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
