He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
