So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
