Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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