we're blogging at a bar
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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