let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
