that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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