Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
