Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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