Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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