you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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