At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was like eating out sand paper
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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