I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
