garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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