You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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