So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
