look no pants
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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