We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
