She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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