My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
