people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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