my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
