Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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