i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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