We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
