He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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