my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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