Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
