My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
